How to Caulk a Sink

Put one strip of masking tape on each side of the seam where the sink meets the counter. Make sure there is about a 1/8" gap between the two strips of tape.



Overlap several short pieces of tape to make a curve for the outside seam of the counter.



Use a single piece of tape to curve around the edge of the sink.



Using clear silicone caulk, run a thin bead of caulk down the seam.



Caulk has nasty stuff in it. Wear gloves while running your finger along the seam. This smooths out the seam and gets rid of excess caulk. Keep a wet paper towel nearby to clean the excess caulk off your finger.



Peel the tape off while the caulk is still wet.



The caulk will turn clear and shrink as it dries so any imperfections will be hidden. It takes about 30 minutes to an hour for it to become clear and four hours for it to dry completely. Be careful not to get it wet or bump it while it's drying.

Setbacks

The new sink we ordered had a dent in one of the edges. It looked fine when we got it out of the box and glanced it over. When we went to install, it wouldn't lay flat against the counter because of the dent. It's taken almost a week for the replacement sink to come in. We're eating a healthy diet of take-out and frozen dinners and I'm getting tired of doing dishes in the bathroom sink.



I started priming the cabinets with Kilz. I had a bad feeling about it, so I tested it by scraping it a little with my fingernail. It came right off. After talking with the folks at the paint store, I learned that I have to use the oil based Kilz to go over the old polyurethane based finish on the cabinets. So, I'm scraping off all of the latex Kilz, sanding everything again, and dreading working with the oil based Kilz.

Jason went to hook up the dishwasher again and discovered that one of the previous homeowner's many, many rodents had chewed through the electric cord. Hot wires were exposed. Fanfreakintastic. So, more crap to replace because stupid, lazy people couldn't take care of their house. It's amazing that I haven't caught the house on fire.

Cue Kitchen Remodel

We've lived in this house for over five years now. Most of the house has been remodeled, except for the kitchen. After we got finished replacing all the doors, trim, electric outlets, light fixtures, bathrooms, carpet, and repainting everything, we just didn't feel like fixing the kitchen anymore. Then this happened:



I ran the disposer one night and there was a big nasty metallic clunk. I shut it off really quick to fish out what I thought was my silverware. Luckily it wasn't. One of the teeth from the disposer had broken off and there were lots of little metal fragments grinding around in there.

Jason went to the store to buy a new one, but determined that all the new ones were different sizes than our old one and he would have to redo all of the plumbing under the sink in order to make it fit. Jason hates plumbing. He didn't want to redo all the plumbing just to fix the disposer, then redo it again whenever we get around to remodeling the kitchen.

So, we're doing the kitchen NOW. Jason's really good at carpentry so we're able to do all of it ourselves.

For the past couple of weekends (including my anniversary weekend) we've been working on the stupid kitchen. We spent the first weekend sweating our asses off in 100 degree weather, cutting down plywood, inhaling our neighbor's second-hand smoke, and huffing glue for the formica. Mmmmmm.... good times.

This weekend we've been able to stay mostly indoors, but our kitchen has been turned upside down. All the pots and pans and Tupperware are in the spare bedroom and the refrigerator is blocking one of the doorways to the kitchen. There is a huge hole in the drywall under the kitchen sink (from the previous homeowner) and if we don't block it off the cat will go exploring in the space between the walls. Replacing drywall and having to rebuild one of the cabinets that rotted out have made this project a little more challenging than merely ripping out the old counters and replacing them with new ones we made.

For some reason the previous homeowner decided to "improve" the kitchen by putting floor tile on top of the old formica counter top. We have two parallel counters; one side has the oven on it, the other side has the sink. The guy used a different tile for each side and did a really crappy job at it. I think that the guy intended for them to stay there forever because those things weren't going anywhere. They were nailed in like crazy and they weighed a ton. Jason tried to get me to help him move it out to the back yard, but I physically couldn't lift it more than an inch. His friend came over to help take everything to the dump and it was so heavy that they accidentally dropped the side of the counter with the cast-iron sink.

The previous homeowner was a licensed plumber. When Jason met the guy before he bought the house from him, the guy bragged about how he was so good at plumbing that he practically had a doctorate in plumbing.

Jason doesn't know a thing about plumbing however, he does a much better job at plumbing than our friend, Doctor Plumber. Jason takes his time, reads and watches videos about each task that he needs to do, and does it correctly. Therefore, we have been able to correct some of Doctor Plumber's handiwork. For instance, the drain under the kitchen sink no longer flows UPHILL (why Doctor Plumber, why?). If Jason finds a leak, he does something to fix it instead of letting it go until it rots out all of the drywall behind the sink and the boards for the cabinet under the sink. Jason doesn't make giant gaping holes under the kitchen sink to get to the bathtub on the other side of the wall. Also, if Jason had installed the water line to the ice maker, he would have tied it into the cold water from the sink line, instead of the bathtub.

I occasionally see Doctor Plumber's trucks driving around town and I'm tempted to stop and tell the people that he's working for how much he sucks at being a plumber.

Here are some disgusting things we found in the walls behind the sink:
mold - had to replace most of the drywall behind the sink
bug shit in every crevice - on the ledge of the bottom cabinets that support the counter top, between the counter and the wall -the wall next to the dishwasher looked like sandpaper it had so much
sunflower seeds 
packet of rat bait - under the dishwasher with the corner gnawed off
holes in the wall from rats

We found enough cat hair behind the refrigerator to cobble together a second Toby.

Be glad that I'm not including photos.

We already had an idea that the house had been previously infested with rodents. When the house was inspected before we bought it, there was a dead mouse near the breaker box. When we had the bathrooms redone a couple of years ago they found a dead rat curled up with a sock under one tub and a mountain of rat poop under the other tub.

I'd like to make it mandatory for homeowners to completely gut their houses every 20 years. That will give everyone a chance to clean up all the nasty bugs and rodents they've had lurking in their walls, replace all the rotten drywall, remove all 3 layers of linoleum floors in the kitchen, and get all the wiring and plumbing up to code. Sounds reasonable, right?

Modern Art Tutorial

Jason watches this cartoon about a spy agency called Archer. Maybe cartoon is a little too lighthearted of a way of describing it. Animated drunken/nudity/violent/profanity fest (with a pet ocelot) is probably more appropriate. You have been warned.

I've noticed in the background scenery that there are some really neat pieces of art hanging on the walls. I decided that I would make a painting like one of the ones hanging in the ISIS office as a gift for Jason.

That's right, I made the guy who doesn't appreciate art (especially modern art) a painting. "Why Dana, " you say, "that's a really dumb idea." You're right, it is. But it's okay. He's really good at faking sincerity. That being said, the router that took 5 minutes to pick out was appreciated much more than the painting that took 3 hours to make.


Here's what you need to make one:

Canvas - any old canvas or smooth piece of wood will do. The one I used is a piece of Masonite with a wooden frame on the back for stability. It's left over from an old painting class project that I hated.

Brush - use a big one. Unless I'm trying to paint details, I find it easiest to work with a 3" house paint brush. For details, a 1/2" to 1" paint brush.

Paint - my original idea was to use house paint because a) I've already chosen the colors to match our decor  and b) we have gallons and gallons of the stuff out in the garage. I decided against this plan because a) it's hot in the garage and b) I didn't feel like shaking up gallons and gallons of paint. Instead, I used a combination of acrylic artist's paints, white gesso (primer for canvases), and matte medium (for thinning paint).

Cup o' water, paint palette (old or disposable plate), paper towels, drop cloth (trash bag or newspaper)


Here's how I did it:

Looking at the original painting (far right) from Archer, I made rough sketches of the order in which it appeared the layers of color were applied. I also noted the placement and shapes of those color blocks. It helps paintings to look more visually interesting when there are lots of layers of paint. Also, don't use the paint straight out of the tube. Mix it with another color first, but keep the colors a little streaky.

1st layer: tan



This layer was intentionally dark so that it would show up as shadows under the next layers. I used burnt umber, burnt sienna, yellow ochre, and cadmium yellow. I mixed the colors together and with  white gesso, then applied it in streaks to my canvas. The blue spot in the middle is part of the old painting showing through from underneath.

Let each layer dry completely before starting with the next. A hair dryer helps when you get impatient. The shadow across the top of each picture is from the wall shelf above where I was painting.



2nd layer: white



I diluted the white gesso with the dirty brown water from my cup. That made the white less bright. I slopped my dirty water/gesso mix onto the canvas and let the drips run down. I repeated this step until I had built up enough layers to hide parts of the first layer that I didn't want to show as much, but intentionally left some of it visible.



3rd layer: yellow



I mixed cadmium yellow and yellow ochre with matte medium to make the paint thinner and more transparent. I painted a wide, horizontal swath across the canvas. Then I dunked my brush in the dirty water and went back over it to make some drips.



4th layer: orange



Napthol crimson mixed with yellow ochre, cad yellow, and matte medium. I scribbled it across the right side of the canvas and laid the canvas down flat when I wanted the drips to stop spreading.



5th layer: blue wash



Ultamarine, pthalo blue, a touch of cad yellow, and matte medium. I got a little too much in the center of the canvas, so I scrubbed it off with a paper towel and water while the paint was still fresh. Added lots of water to make it drip like crazy.



6th layer: red



Napthol crimson, burnt sienna, and matte medium. I didn't use any water to streak this layer.



7th layer: brown



Burnt umber, burnt sienna, ultamarine blue. My burnt umber was about the consistency of fudge, so I mixed it with some matte medium to thin it out. When that didn't thin it enough, I used a palette knife to apply it, instead of the brush. It's really thick and I'm pretty sure it's never going to dry. Also, WOW, it's really dark.



8th layer: blue shadow
Pthalo blue, ultamarine, a touch of yellow ochre. Oopsie, looks like I forgot to take a photo.

9th layer: brown touchup



The unplanned layer. I wasn't happy with the 7th layer. It's just sitting there on top of the canvas screaming I AM BROWN!! Using some yellow and white I made a lighter brown. Thankfully the paint hadn't dried all the way yet, so I was able to work the lighter brown with the darker, existing brown and scrape the surface so that you can see some of the red layer underneath.

I think that the reason the brown layer didn't work is because it is so opaque. All of the other layers are thin and you can see parts of the under layer peeking through. I wish that I had used more matte medium and applied the brown in several layers so that it had that same effect.

All in all, I'm happy with the way my painting turned out. It's been years since the last time I painted and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy it. Maybe I should start painting again?

Working with a theme: go nuts and stick with it, or leaf it to the experts?

Saturday was our 5th wedding anniversary and the traditional gift is wood. We have a stack of plywood out in the garage that is destined to become new counter tops for our kitchen. I'd say that covers the wood quotient of our anniversary gift.

What Jason needed was a tool to help facilitate the construction of the counter tops, so I got him a trim router for cutting the formica we're covering the counters with. The next day he needed a random orbital sander, so we went back to Home Depot and got one. Two new power tools, one weekend. Best. Anniversary. Ever.



I wrap just about everything in brown craft paper. I really like using craft paper for wrapping gifts. It gives you a simple, versatile look and lends itself well to a little creativity. For this gift, I doodled tree rings with a brown Sharpie. Super cute and took about 5 minutes.



I also like making my own cards. For this one, I printed out an inside message on white cardstock. I folded the card in half and cut it to size with an x-acto knife. For the cover, I cut a piece of scrapbook paper to size, cut the heart out with the x-acto, then glued it to the front of the cardstock card. I used a red pen for the details. The inside message? Brace yourself, it's really corny...

wood you like to know a secret?

it's hard knot to love you

because you keep me rooted